Just a Quick Note

Today is Ed's mom's birthday. She has been on my mind all week. We miss her dearly, and all the trouble that she caused. ;) As I've told others, Ed is definitely her son. We love and miss you, mom.

We will be spending time with Ed's family tomorrow for Dawn's birthday (very close friend of the family - she is family). We are going to have a picnic in the park. I am looking forward to watching the kids play. Nancy (Ed's mom) would have loved to watch the kids play. She was always laughing as she watched them. She got the biggest kick out of her grandchildren, especially when they are being "evil". She taught them well...through her own children.

That reminded me of another time, that Nancy would have loved to see the kids. We were at Christine's (Ed's sister), and all the kids were swimming in the pool. It became a pick on each other time, and everyone in the pool was either targeted, or targeting. It was a blast. Our nephew, Ethan, was the funniest...he is usually, the quieter one of the four kids (at the time, now we are five). He had the King glint in his eye, he was cracking up, and picking on Uncle Ed. He was dunking Ed, and getting him wet. He LOVED it. I remember thinking at the time, that Nancy would have been loving every minute of that. She really added life to our family get togethers.

Forever in our hearts, remembering the happy times...We love you!

Taken from a Friend

I was just reading a friend's blog, and she had this poem there. It really hits home, and says things so well. I found it comforting. I will keep her name anonymous, but share her poem.

I Find Your Love

.

I'll catch your smile on someone's face

Your whisper in the wind's embrace

Through diamond stars and songs and dreams

I find your love in everything

The sun, the sky, the rolling sea

All conspire to comfort me

From sorrow's edge life's beauty seems

To find your love in everything

I've come to trust the hope it brings

To find your love in everything

Even as I fall apart,

Even through my shattered heart

I'll catch your smile on someone's face.....amazing grace

Reliving

Tonight we went to my brother's house for a family bbq. It was nice, but was really hard tonight. It might be, because I walked in to see my nephew, Jacob, with a sling on as clear evidence of his recent shoulder surgery. It was 3 days ago, and out-patient. I could tell he was in a lot of pain. Although I knew about the surgery, I was taken aback when I saw him. It was unsettling for me, because it took me right to the hospital settings. So tired of the hospital settings.

I am reliving a lot of the things that my mom went through, and when I walked in to find her hooked up to what seemed to be every possible machine. All I could do was sit down and cry. I felt sick to my stomach. The nurse came in, put her hand on my shoulder, said I know this can be overwhelming, let me know if I can do anything for you, closed the door, and walked out.

I so miss my mom. My aunt (my mom's sister) was at my brother's tonight. She lives up north, but is in town for a few weeks. As nice as it is to see her, it just reminds me that much more how much I miss my mom. That's just about it, I sit here overwhelmed with grief, and the tears streaming down my face. I miss my mom.

I am glad that Summer is coming soon. I am finding it hard to have the energy to do anything these days. The added stress of the end of the year, feels overwhelming right now. I just don't care about anything. Nothing is exciting. But, I do have to say, that I am enjoying Chloe a great deal. She is my joy. Because I don't feel like doing anything, I am taking the time to play with, and have long conversations with Chloe. She is a lot of fun. She is getting so old. She is a little girl. When did she grow up?

To focus on the fun, Chloe is about to lose her first tooth. She was eating something tonight, turned to me with a grimace on her face and said, "My tooth broke." I asked her to show me. I touched her teeth, and the one tooth moved a great deal. She was very excited to tell everyone that her tooth is loose. We have talked to her about the fact that she is growing up, and when she loses her teeth, she will be getting her "adult teeth"...she is very excited about this since she has seen her two older cousins go through it. She was forced to put her hand over her teeth to cover them because Uncle Craig threatened to take it out.

Time for me to let the emotions flow...it helps to cry...

The Best Part of My Day

Today is a day that I would have just stayed in bed. I was so comfy. Anyway, in keeping with that (that staying in bed was a good idea), this whole day has been a struggle...from traffic, to talking, to leaving work, to getting home, the list goes on...

Ed and I were going to go to Larry's cottage at Garland this weekend. Although it was disappointing not to go, it was good that we didn't. Talk about frustrating...we would never have gotten out of town, and then the traffic would have been unbearable with the way the day was going.

Poor Ed is completely miserable. His allergies are so bad, that his face is visibly swollen. I had a sinus infection two weeks ago, and was completely miserable. I can't imagine how he is feeling.

Has anyone seen, "Ocean's Eleven"? In the movie, there's a line that Brad Pitt delivers. He says, "This is just the best part of my day." - Well, Chloe just climbed into my lap, and eventually laid her head down. She fell asleep, while sitting with me. Feeling melty. I love it when she falls asleep in my arms. It's been a long time. I remember taking naps while holding Chloe, in this same chair. She was a wee little one. So, that's where, the title "The Best Part of My Day", comes from.

Good Night, All!
I'm falling asleep as I am typing. One of these times I'm going to blink and my eyes aren't going to open, I'm going to go nuh-nigh.